I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
