i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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