I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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