How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
