we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
