saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
