Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
