sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
