Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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