what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
