I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
