If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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