the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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