Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
