Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
