sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
