hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
