There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
