I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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