i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
