I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
