You just made me feel so damn special
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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