It's Friday. Sex?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
