this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
