Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
