Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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