You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
it's like heaven, but drunker
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
