The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
