Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
