so explain again why im purple
no
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
