i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
