doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
