i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
