everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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