I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
