I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
