I wish I only lived at night.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
