she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
