yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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