You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
