Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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