i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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