she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
