are you so shy because you have an std?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
