I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
