My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I am one with the molecules
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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