On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
