Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
