i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
