No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
