This is not my ceiling
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
