Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
